They Took The Swoosh Off The Kobes: A Quick Look At Lonzo Ball's $495 Signature Shoe

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Most of us laughed when every relevant sports apparel company in America declined LaVar Ball's generous offer to sell sneakers bearing his son's name. We laughed a little harder when the head Ball wanted Lonzo's first signature shoe to retail for $200 and spoke of a billion-dollar Big Baller BrandThe kid hasn't even played a game yet! Who does this guy think he is?!

The laughter turned to stunned silence when BBB "forever changed" the sports world by unveiling Lonzo's $495 signature shoe and $220 slides

Of course, the Balls aren't ones to pump the brakes of hype. I mean, Brevin Knight once had a signature sneaker. It's not exactly rarefied air.  

Plus, these are basically Kobes without the swoosh. Do any of these silhouettes look familiar?

 Nike Kobe VIII "Black Year of the Snake"

Nike Kobe VIII "Black Year of the Snake"

 Nike Kobe XI Elite "FTB"

Nike Kobe XI Elite "FTB"

 Nike Kobe VI "Black/Del Sol"

Nike Kobe VI "Black/Del Sol"

 Adidas Crazylight Boost 2016

Adidas Crazylight Boost 2016

Paying $495 for a pair of sneakers (low-tops, no less!) is out of the question for those of us who aren't 2005 Scott Storch. Clear-eyed observers will see the unoriginality of design and absurd price tag and move on with their lives. But do not underestimate the nonsensical buying power of the same generation that turned the plastic spinny thing industry into a thriving competitive marketplace.

But if your tax return is really burning a hole in your pocket and you decide to pull the trigger, here's what you can expect from the ZO2:

Changing the Game on every level. The ZO2 Prime is ushering in a new paradigm on and off the court. The ZO2: PRIME was meticulously developed at every stage by Lonzo Ball. Debuting in a low-top cut, the Prime flies first class without compromise. 

This "new paradigm" of which you speak, if it covers everything on the basketball court and everything off, isn't that like, the whole of the universe? Please expand on that, if you don't mind. 

An Ortholight© insole is embedded throughout the entire insole for maximum comfort.

An insole is embedded throughout the insole. Got it.

A full bed of shock absorbent material keeps the shoe lightweight for high-speed performance. With a Custom Hand painted the bottom, Microfiber python texture in Matte Black, and a Delorean finish.

By "Delorean finish" do you mean silver? Just say silver.

The ZO2: PRIME is a first class fit for any collection. 
Pre-Order available for a LIMITED TIME

My guess is your pre-order opportunities will actually be unlimited. 

No Refunds or Exchanges. Shipping by November 24th 2017.

When you institute a no refund policy on a product no one has used yet:

It's a beautiful time to be a Guy Who Promises A Lot, so who am I to doubt the prospects of Big Baller Brand? BBB will probably be huge, if only because LaVar says so. |ES|