These Were Okay: Some Super Bowl 50 Commercials

Weird: Michelob ULTRA

Michelob ULTRA*, a beer I'm pretty sure I've never consumed, targets the hyper-fit with their 95-calorie beer. They seem to forget most of us would rather just not work out at all and drink flavorful drinks. And sing the songs that I like to sing.

* Spent my whole life thinking it was simply a pedestrian "Ultra". Had no idea how extreme this beer really is.

Gross: Doritos

Aside from the fact that I will also be eating chips during my wife's ultrasounds, this commercial didn't really do it for me. The next time I'm at the store, I'll think of this painful, unexpected premature birth. And for Nacho Cheese, no less!

Eh: Shock Top

Not a fan of the happy ending. Would have preferred an awkward moment after the beer tap went too far.

Why?: Coca-Cola

Seems like a lot of effort to promote something ABSOLUTELY NO ONE HAS ANY INTEREST IN WHATSOEVER.

Who gets a 12oz Coke and thinks, "man I'm not sure I can finish this"?

Topical: T-Mobile

At this point, if you don't think the Miss Universe thing was a set-up, you're the conspiracy theorist.

Odd: Skittles

Hey, uh, Skittles...you know #millennials don't know who Steven Tyler is, right? Aerosmith fans will never find this commercial on the You Tubes.

Funny: Bud Light

If nothing else, boosted my excitement for the new Independence Day trailer.

OH SHIT THE NEW INDEPENDENCE DAY TRAILER!

Will Smith who? Don't care anymore. Look at all those spaceships and destruction and U.S.A. stadium placards!!!

Reaching: Buick

Lost in this pretty funny commercial is the OUTRAGEOUS throw from the bride. I mean she really put some mustard on it.

Expensive: Taco Bell

Taco Bell, in their infinite wisdom, decided to spend $10 million plus however much all these celebrities cost to convince me to spend $1.29 on some new cheese taco thing. 

Bad: Mountain Dew Kickstart

Worrisome: Hyundai

No reason to pay attention to the road in 2016. Artificial intelligence is here, guys. We are doomed.

You Tried: TurboTax

You think Anthony Hopkins has ever filled out a W-2 in his long and storied life?

Back At It: Pokémon

Does this mean I'm rich? Where's my binder of old Pokémon cards? Swear that foil Mewtwo gotta be worth something.

Stunning: LG

Initially wanted this to be a Taken-Tron mash-up. The breathtaking TV made up for that crushing disappointment.

Crying: Jeep

As a former Jeep driver, I can confirm that I did indeed "make" the vehicle. Except for the ice cream stain. AB made that when he threw a half-pint through the open passenger side window.

Good: Heinz

The city of Chicago is filled with idiots. Loosen up and put some ketchup on your hot dog. Idiots. (h/t Seyf)

Tired: Honda

It's not 1996. America is no longer impressed by singing animals.

Though I do love that Australian Shepherd. RIP Griffin.

American: Jeep

The American lifestyle is the Jeep lifestyle. In case you forgot that after the second quarter.

Hidden Puns: Kia

As a proud Kia owner I can confirm that you will definitely not stand out. Unless you buy that hideous baby blue one, in which case you will look like an idiot when the baby blue Bentley pulls up.

"Walken" closet! I just got it.

We Used To Use: T-Mobile

Pretty funny commercial. Still no one you know has T-Mobile.

Effective Scolding: Budweiser

Message received, lady. Load and clear. |ES|

 

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