Noted Tiger Woods Apologist Comes To Grips With Reality

  AP

AP

The Tiger Woods Comeback Tour has puttered along for three years with a fanfare-to-success ratio of about 1,000:1. His latest attempt lasted seven rounds, during which he nearly hit for the cycle of ineptitude: a second-to-last finish, a missed cut, and a withdrawal after one round.

Four of the last six posts on his website chronicle Tiger bailing on tournaments. The latest describes his reasoning for not playing in The Masters:

"I did about everything I could to play, but my back rehabilitation didn’t allow me the time to get tournament ready,” Woods said. ... “I have no timetable for my return, but I will continue my diligent effort to recover, and want to get back out there as soon as possible.

This sounds like a guy explaining to his annoying co-worker why he can't make it to Tilted Kilt after work. "Ah man, wish I could. This timesheet won't fill itself out though, you know? Maybe next time." Sincerity level = zero.

The obvious announcement came just hours after Tiger quit just five minutes into a pre-Masters practice session. To his credit, that's much longer than yours truly can last on a treadmill going 6.0 MPH. Now the hyper-competitive kid who once triggered mental breakdowns in grown men simply by making putts is a rickety old man, reduced to book signings at Barnes and Noble and putting contests on The Today Show.

 One way to tell if a pro athlete is no longer relevant is if he or she authors books about their past accomplishments as a pro athlete. |  Getty

One way to tell if a pro athlete is no longer relevant is if he or she authors books about their past accomplishments as a pro athlete. | Getty

We should have seen this coming ("we" being delusional idiot fanboys like myself).

A week and a half ago, just before getting clowned by a bald guy for his hair "line", Woods spoke bluntly about how fatherhood shifted his priorities away from first-pumping and paper-stacking:

Congrats on the kids and all Tiger, but if golf is — at best — an ancillary priority in your life, well then to quote Tony Kornheiser quoting Brian Orakpo, what are we even doin' out here, man?

Tiger hasn't won a major championship since my junior year of college (and it was awesome). I'm 30 years old and just now ready to admit he's much more likely to endorse a new AriZona iced tea flavor than play golf four days in a row, let alone win another tournament. Sad state of affairs. |ES|