Many Bad Things Happened During This Negative-87-Yard Football Play

Saturday night, Louisiana Tech turned 2nd-and-goal from their opponent's six-yard-line into 3rd-and-goal from much, much further away. Look at all the bad things that happened:

Almost too many to count! Let's start from the beginning.

The blue team is pretty close to scoring here, either with a big touchdown or a nice little field goal, which is good because they seem to be getting their butts kicked by the white and maroon team in front of their home fans!

We're in the fourth quarter so the blue team may not have many other chances for a confidence boost. Have to take advantage of big opportunities, many football coaches have often said this.


Calamity strikes early after a very bad snap. Some might go so far as to call it "terrible". The announcer went this route and he likely had no issues sleeping through the night.

Both the center and the quarterback for the blue team deserve blame for this embarrassing exchange. The center, whose main job is to not mess this up, hiked the ball way too high then the quarterback was like whoa I sure didn't expect the ball to be way up here so he panicked and kind of slapped the ball even higher into the air, possibly in an attempt to sabotage his teammate and make the snap look worse than it was. Hidden interpersonal team dynamics may play a role here.

The blue team quarterback has to act fast. The ball is rolling and bouncing down the field and this situation could escalate very quickly if he doesn't get his hands on that pigskin and save the day for his teammates. 

""If you don't do it, someone else will." - an Instagram quote I see a lot" - the blue team's quarterback thinking to himself while chasing after the ball


But the QB, presumably the big man on the blue team's campus, hears footsteps closing in. Should he stay focused on the task at hand? Maybe keep his eyes on the ball? Yes, he should! But he does not. The moment this player looked away from the ball, he was doomed. It's best to avoid guaranteeing yourself certain doom, especially out there on the football field when the boys are flying around.


The quarterback man is very discombobulated at this point. Instead of falling on the ball son like I've heard a lot of football coaches say on Hard Knocks and Friday Night Lights, he Sammy Sosa stutter-steps toward the ball then tries to cradle and protect it like a baby bird. We're trying to recover a fumble out here man not save ducks after an oil spill. (Sorry to any traumatized ducks reading.)


Now that the leader of the blue team has relinquished any and all goodwill he built up with his teammates over the offseason, the white team can profit from the ineptitude of their opponents. Unfortunately these boys have a tough time grabbing the ball as well! (Common fans sometimes forget footballs are oblong and bounce irregularly.)

Number 31 for the white team tries to scoop up the ole pigskin like I try to pick up my mulligan tee shots without getting out of my golf cart at full speed: leaning off to the side with one hand scraping the grass. When done successfully, nothing looks cooler, but when you miss you look like a big dummy. Number 31 looked like a big dummy here.

Perhaps number 42 can be of assistance! (He isn't.)


These two fellas never had a chance. Like a bouquet at a wedding, this ball is guaranteed to bounce around a bit more with so many hands in the mix.


...aaaand there it goes. We got a regular Bebop and Rocksteady over here.

Bebop & Rocksteady - Cartoon Numbskulls_5.gif

The first guy from the white team who had a chance to recover this fumble and end this chaos much earlier now has a second opportunity to put us viewers out of our misery. Yet he appears to have learned no lessons from his embarrassing ordeal that occurred just second earlier! Kids these days with their iPhones and Tomagatchis have no attention span. Swipe this, swipe that, can I Tinder your Postmate? Can't rely on milennials to pick up a rolling football if their lives depending on it.


It's almost as if he rolled down ball toward his own feet so he could give it a real good boot. This klutz from the white team dang near drop-kicked it! If it were me out there on the gridiron chasing after the pigskin you can bet your bottom dollar I'd grab the ball so the other team could not. You never want to let your teammates down, and yet this player from the white team did just that by kicking the ball 20 yards further away. 


Folks it's like the football filed a restraining order against everybody on the field! Haha because players from both teams are so far away. 


At long last, one of the blue team dudes comes out of nowhere and decides to fall on the dang ball son, bringing our 15-second national nightmare to a merciful end. This is akin to a group of children completely losing control of a hose for a few minutes before the oldest kid walks over to the spigot and turns the dang thing off. Congrats on solving the problem, but the damage is done and everyone involved should be embarrassed for not thinking of that earlier.


After the dust settles and fans recognize the horror they just witnessed, many reacted reacted like the crowd in The Dark Knight when Joker made tried to assassinate the mayor at the parade. By that I mean they screamed in terror.

Here's a football coach who wishes his team had more focus:


Let's never speak of this again.