Loyalty To A Car Brand Is A Silly Reason To Put Your Life At Risk

A 30-second version of the above commercial has aired frequently over the last year or so. In it, a handsome Tom Hardy-type serves as a criminal informant and is rewarded with protection from the bad guys, including a new identity, a large home, and a luxury SUV. Tom Softly, having already performed his duties as a snitch, finds the “inconspicuous” SUV to be a sticking point in the deal and declines the generous offer. This is a preposterous reason to put your life at risk.

The vehicles in question — an old-lady-bronze Lexus and a black Audi — aren’t even that different from one another. They’re both midsize luxury SUVs commonly found in Gordmans parking lots during weekday afternoons. To the average Joe standing 40 yards away, they’re probably indistinguishable from one another. It’s not as if Mr. Stevens must choose between a rusty van with no rear windows and one of those gaudy T-Rex things from that one episode of Fantasy Factory.

Are we meant to believe this guy was somehow surprised by the terms of this agreement? When he strapped on that wire and walked into a situation dangerous enough to warrant riot police, did he really think he could go on living his life a quarter mile at a time behind the wheel of the flashiest car of his choice? These people are bending over backwards to protect this dummy, but he values two GPS screens in his dash more than he values his own life. Absurd.

Mr. Stevens is probably dead now, sniped by an associate of the imprisoned bad guys as he slowly rolled his Audi through the streets of Milan with the windows down. Wouldn’t have happened if he had just sucked it up and taken the free Lexus. Can’t say I feel sorry for him. RIP. |ES|

 "This is a stock photo of the $45,000 SUV we are giving you for free." "Pah, what a lazy logo. No thanks."

"This is a stock photo of the $45,000 SUV we are giving you for free." "Pah, what a lazy logo. No thanks."

 No matter where you're looking, you always have eyes on the road in the new Audi Q5.

No matter where you're looking, you always have eyes on the road in the new Audi Q5.

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