"Jumper" | 'Game of Thrones' S7 E2 Recap

Game of Thrones has always been about disrupting plans. Just when you think your favorite character is safe, he or she comes up against an even bigger foe. This episode served as a reminder that, as comfortable as we are with where everything is, the good times just can’t last. Let’s commandeer a vessel and sail these recap-y waves together, shall we?

Dragonstone (Daenerys Targaryen, Tyrion Lannister, Grey Worm, Missandei, Varys, Melisandre)

It’s a battle of wits between Dany and Varys to start the episode. We find out a bit more about Varys’s backstory (he’s from the streets, homie) and discover he's always done what was in the best interest of the people of Westeros. Varys explains this is what his motivation was for turning on Dany’s father, the Mad King, and his successors — Robert and Joffrey Baratheon. Dany’s like, “Okay, cool. I respect that, but if you ever start thinking I’m not a good queen, let me know so I can burn your ass accordingly.”

Conveniently, Melisandre shows up to ease the tension and drop some knowledge about the prophecy of the prince (or princess, Seth) who was promised, and informs the gang they need to link up with some bastard named Jon Snow.

It was weird, in an exciting way, for all these characters who've never seen or heard of Jon Snow to suddenly be so interested in him. For as major of a character as he is, until now his plot line has felt very disconnected from the rest of the series. Next week’s meeting should do a great job fulfilling something we’ve wanted to see since Season 1 — Jon and Daenarys in the same place at the same time.

King’s Landing (Cersei Lannister, Jamie Lannister, Samwell Tarly’s Dad, Creepy Scientist Dude)

“Daenerys isn’t sending her best people. She’s bringing eunuchs. She’s bringing murderers. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."

“Daenerys isn’t sending her best people. She’s bringing eunuchs. She’s bringing murderers. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."

Cersei and Jamie are doing their best to rally other families for their cause, and SHOCKER: it’s not going well. Turns out you can’t blow up half of a city and have the rest of the kingdoms swear blind loyalty to you. Also your opponent has three dragons. You’re going to have to come to the table with a little bit more strategy.

Oh, what’s that? The mad scientist guy just conveniently has a giant crossbow that can pierce a dragon’s skull? Sounds like you got yourself a strategy, Mama Lion. Damn you work quick.

The Citadel (Jorah Mormont, Samwell Tarly)

Above: Jorah Mormont

Above: Jorah Mormont

GRAND MAESTER: Jorah’s greyscale is too advanced. We can’t save him.
SAM: I think we can save him.
GRAND MAESTER: You’re forbidden from trying to save him. [Leaves room.]
SAM (to JORAH): Okay, sit down, drink this rum, and bite down on something. I’m going to save you.


Back at Dragonstone (Daenerys, Yara Greyjoy, Theon Greyjoy, Tyrion Lannister, Sand Snake Mom, Olenna Tyrell)

We get a glimpse into Tyrion and Dany’s master plan for taking control of Westeros. The Dornish and Tyrell armies will attack King’s Landing while the Unsullied and Dothraki take the Lannister castle at Casterly Rock.

Seems easy enough. And if there’s anything I’ve learned from watching Game of Thrones, it’s that every plan a main character has for gaining an advantage over their adversaries ALWAYS works. Nothing could possibly go wrong, Especially not when a giant part of your plan involves sailing around Westeros while there’s a coked-out, pirate Joffrey Baratheon on the loose.

That’s definitely not going to factor into this at all.

Hot Pie’s Pie Hut (Arya Stark, Hot Pie, Nymeria)

You bet your ass I marked out for those wolves.

You bet your ass I marked out for those wolves.

Arya hears the one bit of information that could stop her from her nationwide revenge tour — Jon and Sansa are alive and in charge in Winterfell. She chooses to reunite with her pack rather than continue being the lone wolf. (Get it? Cuz...y’know...Starks.)

On her way back, she runs into her childhood pet, Nymeria, who is now the HBIC of her own pack. Arya asks the wolf to come with her, but Nymeria knows what happens to direwolves that get too close to Stark children and decides to bolt. Place your bets now that Nymeria shows up again down the road when Arya gets in a little too far over her head.

By the way, did anyone else think Arya’s mannerisms at the tavern were very Hound-ish? Hopefully foreshadowing those two running into one another on the road at some point...

Winterfell (Jon Snow, Sansa Stark, Davos Seaworth, Petyr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish)

For a family that has such close relationships with wolves, the Starks sure do wear a lot of fur.

For a family that has such close relationships with wolves, the Starks sure do wear a lot of fur.

Jon receives a letter from Tyrion Lannister telling him to come to Dragonstone to meet Daenerys. He’s kind of on the fence about it until another letter shows up from APPARENTLY EVERYONE’S FAVORITE CHARACTER, SAM. (I now realize I’m in the minority in my hatred of Sam. Thanks for the comments, y’all.) Sam writes that Dragonstone sits on a mountain of dragon glass. WOW, SAM! GREAT DETECTIVE WORK. Can’t wait until next episode when you make the big discovery that Valyrian steel originated in Valyria.

Samwell Tarly at the Citadel, probably

Samwell Tarly at the Citadel, probably

This seems to be the Lord of Light or just the writer’s way of telling Jon he needs to get his handsome ass to Dragonstone, but when he pitches this plan to his fellow Viking Northerners, they don’t seem too keen on the idea.

Sansa, in true little sister fashion, starts trying to bust Jon’s balls in front of his friends. Again. Lil She-Bear Lyanna Mormont stands up, and I breathe a sigh of relief because surely she knows what’s at stake here and has my boy Jon’s back, but no! She tells him it’s a bad plan, too.

Jon, never one to listen to reason or common sense, is like, “Yeah, I’m pry still gonna go anyway, but my sister can be in charge since apparently she’s so fucking smart.”

Everyone’s actually pretty okay with this despite being on the verge of a full-scale revolt a half-second ago.

Let’s check out what’s happening in the crypt!

First off, Littlefinger, “Delivered his bones myself” is probably not the line you wanna lead off with if you’re planning to tell one of the most skilled swordsmen in Westeros that you’re in love with his dead step-mom and living half-sister.

Jon pulls another classic male Stark move here and threatens the most scheming, conniving guy on the show before he leaves his sister alone with him. Again I ask: WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

The…Sea? I guess? (Theon Greyjoy, Yara Greyjoy, Mama Sand Snake, Ugly Sand Snakes, Hot Sand Snake, Euron Greyjoy)

Hey this boat ride seems fun. Very relaxed and casual, and — BAH GAWD, KING! THAT’S EURON GREYJOY’S MUSIC!

Euron gets his trophies to take back to Cersei in the form of Hot Sand Snake and Mama Sand Snake. He also goes down in history as having the most badass entrance in this show. All the blood and carnage gets to Theon and suddenly we’re not seeing Theon anymore. Reek is on the deck of the ship, paralyzed with fear. Instead of try to rescue his sister (and probably get them both killed on the spot) he pulls out the only move he has left: jump.

Come back next week to see what kind of crazy shenanigans happen when Euron returns to King’s Landing, Jon and Dany finally meet after seven seasons, and Tyrion Lannister says something witty.

All images courtesy of HBO