How Long Is Too Long To Wait In Line For A Dipping Sauce? (Probably Any Amount Of Time)

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Sophisticated gents such as myself love nothing more than to thumb through the latest edition of The New York Times while savoring the subtler notes of a freshly poured cup of espresso. (And by that I mean "open the story link in an incognito tab to avoid the article limit paywall while chewing on the mouthpiece of my two-year-old Camelbak.) 

Imagine my surprise this morning when I discovered the lengths to which zealous fans of an adult cartoon will go to acquire packets of goddamn dipping sauce.

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These lunatics are standing in line for condiments thanks to Rick and Morty, a television show which I have never seen because I am sophisticated.

Last season, one of the characters on the show (probably Rick or Morty) made some references to McDonald's Szechuan sauce, a limited edition condiment released in 1998 to coincide with Disney's Mulan. McDonald's — one of the cool corporations — decided to capitalize on this renewed interest, offering packets in limited quantities over the weekend. And would you believe it, a dang nationwide frenzy ensued!

The New York Times article is loaded with jaw-dropping anecdotes of people driving all over their time zones for the chance to stand in line for dipping sauce, only to discover the restaurants were fresh out. Some angry customers even skewered the company on social media!

McDonald’s was skewered on social media by frustrated customers who had hoped to score some of its limited edition Szechuan sauce but were instead turned away and left empty-handed.

The horror!

The fast food chain that refuses to make McFlurrys after 6 p.m. and always acts like they're out of apple pies even though they could easily just microwave the frozen ones sitting in the back felt the need to sincerely apologize to the nation for not having enough packets of a certain kind of sauce. For many, this was simply not good enough.

Noted sauce man Tim Kennedy Jr. (me) says, "Many different sauces are readily available in large quantities. There is no reason to wait in line for hours for sauce!"

Let's hear from one upset mother:

Lisa if you knew how many times I've cried after hearing the phrase, "Sorry sir, our shake machine is down," you wouldn't be making such a big deal about this.

Jonathan Primus, 22, had tried to get it in Tallahassee, Fla., and said he was “really upset” when he learned the McDonald’s there had run out.

Mr. Primus, a fan of the show, had been visiting friends in Texas and drove back with a friend to Florida on Saturday, calculating a route that would place them in Tallahassee at precisely 2 p.m., the time that McDonald’s announced it would start giving the sauce away.

They arrived at 2 p.m., but it was too late: The restaurant had already run out.

“I kind of did a little bit of a yell of sorts,” he said. “It was a disappointing drive home.”

I'll bet it was! This would be like if the NASA scientists with crew cuts spent years scheming up plans and mathematics and stuff to launch the first Apollo mission only to find the moon had disappeared.

Also, just so we're clear, Jonathan was three years old when Szechuan sauce was discontinued. 

Dominick Tao, 31, a graduate student in New York, visited three McDonald’s restaurants on Saturday afternoon. At one of them, he spoke with people in line who told him they had been there since 8 a.m.

For Mr. Tao, who is also a “Rick and Morty” fan, the sauce was steeped in nostalgia. He remembered eating it at McDonald’s with his family when it was first released.

He was hooked.

“It increased my McDonald’s consumption probably twofold,” he said. “I would beg my mom to take me back to McDonald’s.”

Tasting the sauce again would have been “fulfilling a childhood dream,” he said. Even so, he wasn’t willing to wait hours in line. He struck out at two other locations before eventually giving up.

This is madness! Fulfilling a childhood dream?!? Dom, my man, it's not like hitting a walk-off home run in the World Series or holding hands with Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. We're talking about a goddamn dipping sauce.

A promotional website for the sauce, which was meant to lift sales of its new Buttermilk Crispy Tenders, invited fans to “get obsauced” — with the caveat that the Szechuan sauce could only be found in select locations. “When we say limited, we mean really, really limited!” the website said.

But in its statement later on Sunday, McDonald’s said: “We’re gonna make this right. In the last 24 hours, we’ve worked to open any portal necessary. And it worked.”

Until then, making it from scratch might be the best option.

Below, a video of a guy making the sauce from scratch ... based on someone else's memory! I forgot how Chicken In A Bisket taste and I ate those like six months ago. You're telling me you can correctly recall the dozen ingredients needed to recreate a sauce from 1998? What kind of Bran Stark shit is this?

What's that you say? Single packets were going for $2,200 on eBay? Well shit man let me know what the next big adult cartoon sauce is about to be. You'll find me out there posted up in one of those Coleman chairs with the retractable canopy and dual cup holders ready to get paaaaaid. |ES|