Facing Stiff Competition, Harrison Ford's Arms And Upper Torso Deliver The Most Breathtaking Images Of 'Blade Runner 2049'

(Note: If you're looking for a proper review Blade Runner 2049, go here, here, or here. This post is about the impressive physique of an elderly man.)

If you’re one of the (apparently few) people who saw Blade Runner 2049 this weekend, you were no doubt taken aback by the stunning visuals throughout the film (words like “visuals” and “film” give your movie takes acal little more heft, old Ebert trick). Desolate farm landscapes, crushing city darkness, big-ass reflecting pools. Breathtaking stuff!

Most impressive, however, was the absolutely rockin’ bod of 75-year-old Harrison Ford.

  The result of a Google Image search for "barrel chested".   (Warner Bros.)

The result of a Google Image search for "barrel chested". (Warner Bros.)

Look at those arms. That chest. I'm no expert in anatomy, but I'm pretty sure when your forearm veins pop out like that it means you could hold your own in the UFC.

And he's seventy-five! Some tortoises die of old age before 75. Our old-ass president is merely 70, and his body is the definition of sloppy. Even the guys in the Cenegenics commercials are like 54. Present-day Harrison Ford — a grandfather, mind you — would grind them all to dust.

Not only could Harrison Ford kick your dad’s ass, he would lay waste to every movie iteration of Harrison Ford. Look at the toothpicks on Han Solo!

  Rumor has it they hollowed out Han's blaster so he could maneuver it like a man. (Lucasfilm)

Rumor has it they hollowed out Han's blaster so he could maneuver it like a man. (Lucasfilm)

What's he go, 'bout a buck sixty-five? Young Han would've lost a fistfight to the Special Edition version of Jabba The Hutt. Sad.

Even Indiana Jones looks he’d need a push cart for his nine-hole round. Poor guy must be sooo tired from having to carry around a messenger bag all afternoon.

  (Getty)

(Getty)

If I were to organize an all-time movie star heartthrob arm wrestling bracket (don't put it past me), Ford would be the top seed in the Old Guy region — and probably the favorite for the title. He’d manhandle Michael Keaton. Pummel Richard Gere. Can you imagine what he’d do to Miles Teller in the Final Four? Probably add another angle to his jaw after the match is over. Even Zac Efron in the championship round would be a piece of cake. The 75-year-old man would slam that dummy’s arm on the table with his right hand then gently grab Alexandra Daddario’s with his left. (That’s Zac Efron’s girlfriend, I guess. Took a stab at some TMZ stuff and missed. What I’m saying is Harrison Ford would beat Zac Efron at arm wrestling then ride off with his partner, even though Harrison has been happily married to Calista Flockhart since 2010. Well I can't say for sure that they're *happily* married, you never know with stuff like that. Point is I’m naming my first-born son Harrison Ford Jr.)

  This man is 75 years old. I’m 31 and when I wear a dark grey t-shirt I look like a pallet of  Wild White Nacho Doritos  that barely survived a shipping catastrophe. (Men's Journal)

This man is 75 years old. I’m 31 and when I wear a dark grey t-shirt I look like a pallet of Wild White Nacho Doritos that barely survived a shipping catastrophe. (Men's Journal)

  Do not be distracted by what appears to be a loose underarm here. That's just an optical illusion created by a taut bicep the likes of which you've probably never felt. (Warner Bros.)

Do not be distracted by what appears to be a loose underarm here. That's just an optical illusion created by a taut bicep the likes of which you've probably never felt. (Warner Bros.)

Anyway, if you have the chance to check out Blade Runner 2049, do it. Stunning visuals. |ES|