Duplicitous MoviePass Dog May Soon Be Out Of A Job
MoviePass, the subscription-based movie ticketing service whose continued existence defies the rules of free-market capitalism, has resorted to outright pandering. In the fifteen months since dropping their unlimited ticket rate to an absurd $9.95 per month, the company has severely limited viewings, increased prices, added clumsy photo requirements, banned repeat viewings, implemented surge pricing, and ended theater partnerships, not in that order and usually without warning. No business in the history of civilized society, I’m confident, has yanked their customers around as frequently and inconsiderately as MoviePass.
To remedy the crushingly low morale of their dwindling customer base (myself included), MoviePass sent everyone an email with the dog photo above and the following text:
Woof! I’m Chloe, the Director of Barketing at MoviePass.
I’d like to explain why from time to time you may have had a “ruff” experience with us but it turns out I’m a dog and I can’t talk. What I do know is I see these humans working like crazy to make MoviePass better for you as fast as possible. They are so grateful for your membership and support while they work it out.
We’re listening. We’re learning. We’re changing.
That’s it. That’s the email. There is no hyperlink to a more thorough explanation from MoviePass about what it is they’re changing. Just the hostage dog and some customer service vagaries that, if spoken over the phone, would result in a 100% furious hang-up rate from even the most non-confrontational consumers. I’ve put more effort into emails congratulating coworkers on winning the drawing for two general admission tickets to the local minor league hockey team.
It is, obviously, too little, too late. I’ll be off to Sinemia or something similar as soon as my plan expires in December (at which point MoviePass will probably continue to charge me). But the sheer laziness and utter tone-deafness of the email isn’t what’s most offensive. It’s that the dog is lying, claiming he or she can’t “talk” while simultaneously communicating through the written word. It reminds me of when Sammy Sosa pretended he didn’t have a great handle on the English language during a Congressional hearing. Give us the whole truth, Chloe, so help you God.
Few years from now, long after MoviePass has gone under for good, this dog photo will serve as the cover page in a business school textbook about the great marketing and customer service debacles of our time. |ES|