College Football Week 9 Roundup: Chlorine In Wyoming

 Mike McGinnis / Getty Images

Mike McGinnis / Getty Images

Wisconsin beat Nebraska 23-17 on an 11-yard run from Dare Ogunbowale in overtime. I didn't get to see much, but felt the need to acknowledge this game up front since there is no mention of it below. Plus the picture above makes for a good cover photo. #clicks

Ogunbowale is slowly climbing up my personal rankings of athletes named Dare. Right now, he is number two behind Yinka. To the Roundup!

Good Day/Bad Day

Good Day: This dude sports fan

Assuming this is real (which is not standard operating procedure around these parts), no one had a better day than this dude sports fan. Shout out to the millennia of male dominance and misogyny that shaped western civilization and led to this moment.

Bad Day: Jimbo Fisher, angry dad

Little bit of PTSD for yours truly on this one, as Jimbo says "ridiculous!" the same way my dad used to when the report card came through.

Good Day: Jamal Morrow, Washington State RB and lucky charm

Last week, Wazzou coach Mike Leach explained his criteria for selecting captains before each game. After discarding some traditional practices, he settles on Jamal Morrow, whom Leach considers "lucky" because he almost made it to the final round on The Price Is Right.

Morrow is now 7-1 on coin tosses this season. Not a math guy, but your chance of winning seven of eight coin tosses is like 1.6% or some shit. Folks, you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning*

*Not a math guy

Bad Day: This man's daughter

No one likes their dad to draw attention to themselves in large crowds. Shit, even the Obama girls are embarrassed by their father. So while this dad* was the hero of the tailgate, his children are undoubtedly mortified about their future on campus as "the daughters of the guy who climbed to the top of the tent pole at the tailgate that one time."

Good Day: Friends of Samaje Perine

I have to know what those snacks are. HAVE TO. The fact that Samaje put them in a mini Ziploc indicates he was willing to take an extra step to prevent the snacks from becoming stale. That's not something you do with bullshit snacks. 

Bad Day: This little Purdue girl

These laughing parents should be ashamed of themselves. Forcing their kid to be a Purdue fan like that. She's probably six years old and already dealing with the fact that hers is a life doomed to be filled with cloudy days and disappointment. I've got no kids, but this seems worse than leaving your child in a hot car without the windows cracked.

Good Day: Wacky kids and their hip-hop music

Bad Day: Mark Dantonio

Preseason #12 Michigan State is now 2-6 overall with no wins in the Big Ten. Jim Harbaugh and Michigan are on a rocket ship to the Playoff, and Mark Dantonio is out here doing gimmicky stuff to boost morale. The tables done turned.

That's fine, I guess. Probably better to end the game on a successful football play rather than an extra point kick. Unfortunately, this happened:

To add insult to injury, the lights shut off during Mark's postgame press conference. Bad day, bad month, bad season.

Bad Day: Youths at the World's Largest Cocktail Party who don't yet know the crippling depression and physical limitations that come with adult hangovers

A group of underage drinkers spent more than $500 on booze, only to have it whisked away on a golf cart by police officers who look equipped to handle a full-scale riot.

Good Day: Will Mackey, sports field-rushing person

Bad Day: "I don't have this system, okay?"

This kick reminds me of your first game after the new Madden comes out and they change the kicking controls.

Good Day: Wyoming

In the mid-90's, the Kennedy family took the standard Midwestern Family Vacation, in which six angry, uncomfortable people stare out the windows of a van into the nothingness of South Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, and Nebraska, with stops at the Badlands (basically a weak-ass Grand Canyon), Corn Palace (exactly what it sounds like), and, of course, Prairie Dog Town.

 Try to imagine something whiter than sticking your head into a plastic dome so you can get a close-up view of prairie dogs.

Try to imagine something whiter than sticking your head into a plastic dome so you can get a close-up view of prairie dogs.

During one of our stops in Cheyenne, Wyoming, we stayed at a very shitty motel with a pool in the parking lot. We all hopped in the motel parking lot pool in Wyoming because it was the 90's and germs weren't really a thing then. My sister dipped her head underwater, and her blonde hair immediately turned bright green. This is what I think of when I think of Wyoming.

Anyway, the University of Wyoming beat Boise State for the first time ever this weekend, thanks to an insane safety late in the fourth quarter.

How Did Charlie Strong Sleep Last Night?

New feature here on the roundup where we guess how well Charlie Strong slept on Saturday night.

It's been a rough month on the SleepNumber for Chuck. Four losses in five weeks, everyone talking about how you're toast at the end of the season, and former Longhorns dressing up as you on the hot seat for Halloween.

How can you even enter REM with all that going on?

One solution: beat #6 Baylor at home. Even guys who once threatened your life on Twitter will chant your name after that.

Charlie even got a public "atta boy" from the boss man, which means they can't legally fire him for at least 48 hours.

Damn, Charlie. Sounds like you and your sports team have faced some adversity this season. Unique situation.

So, how well did Charlie Strong sleep on Saturday night?

Charlie Strong slept very well for most of the night, but then woke up early and played on his phone until the sun came up because deep down he knows he'll never be good enough.

Heisman Watch!

6) Donnel Pumphrey, San Diego State RB

 Chris Nicoll / USA TODAY Sports

Chris Nicoll / USA TODAY Sports

More like Donnel Periphery, am I right? Because he's on the outside looking in.

Pumphrey had 223 yards in a blowout against Utah State. He now ranks fifth all-time among rushers.

5) J.T. Barrett, Ohio State QB

 Associated Press / Times Free Press

Associated Press / Times Free Press

For the first time in his Ohio State career, Barrett did not account for a touchdown in a game. Against Northwestern, that should probably be disqualifying. But Barrett once again saved Ohio State's season by just making plays, man. Here, J.T. makes chicken salad on 3rd and 10:

This was never going to be Barrett's Heisman year, not with all the talent tOSU lost to the draft. But he may be the most valuable player on any team.

4) Jabrill Peppers, Michigan LB/S/KR/maybe RB

 Brad Mills / USA TODAY Sports

Brad Mills / USA TODAY Sports

Look at this shit:

3) Jake Browning, Washington QB

 Russ Isabella / USA TODAY Sports

Russ Isabella / USA TODAY Sports

Washington passed their toughest test of the season (poor Stanford, poor Oregon) at Utah, and even their opponents offered endorsements for Browning:

2) Deshaun Watson, Clemson QB

 Melina Vastola / USA TODAY Sports

Melina Vastola / USA TODAY Sports

Watson once again engineered a game-winning drive, this time against Dalvin Cook and Florida State. With 378 yards passing, 52 yards rusing, and two touchdowns, Watson did a decent impression of ...

1) Lamar Jackson, Louisiville QB

 Geoff Burke / USA TODAY Sports

Geoff Burke / USA TODAY Sports

Jackson pulled ahead in this race on the Thursday before the first Saturday of the season and hasn't looked back once. The only unchecked box on his resume is the mythical "Heisman Moment," as if a ten minute highlight reel of incredible plays is not an adequate collection of moments. 

But Lamar finally delivered that moment against Virginia, leading a game-winning drive with his arm and legs, flicking another perfect pass into the end zone with almost no effort. Barring a catastrophic global event, he will win this trophy.

Plays of the Week

Still not even sure what happened here. An interception, some laterals ... which team is which? Is this normal? I need to go to more DIII football games.

River Cracraft sounds like the name of a character in Red Dead Redemption, but in fact he is a wide receiver for Washington State. He tapped his toe in bounds just before the cleat on his other foot hit the ground. Very neat.

Last week gave us one of the best fake punts in recent memory. Put this one on 2016's Mount Rushmore of Fake Punts solely because of the punter's stellar acting job. 

South Carolina RB Rico Dowdle put the brakes on a few times.

Thanks for reading. College football is the best. RIP Yinka Dare. |ES|