College Football Week 7 Roundup: In The Faaaaace
This week's roundup begins not with a crazy play in front of 100,000 fans, but instead, a marriage proposal by Samford linebacker Deion Pierre. It's adorable!
Good Day/Bad Day
Good Day: Heliophobics in Tucson
Fans in the upper deck at the USC-Arizona game had a difficult choice: Go home and lay on a cold leather couch in the air conditioning, or cower in the rail-thin shadow created by a light pole. By my count, about a dozen people stuck it out to witness the Wildcat bloodbath.
Bad Day: Brian Kelly, Notre Dame head coach
Moments after Brian Kelly emerged from his mother's womb, he probably yelled at her for providing cramped living conditions and not completing the birthing process quickly enough.
No, we're not highlighting a new way Coach Kelly figured out how to blame someone else for ND's failures, but I'm an analogy/fable guy and sometimes they just flow. Had no choice in the matter.
Anyway, Notre Dame lost to a Christian McCaffery-less Stanford, 17-10. After the game, the 54-year-old head coach of the country's most prestigious football institution decided to get into it with an opposing strength coach.
Later, someone discovered DL Jerry Tillery's recent Twitter likes all have something in common...
Whatever you say, Jerry!
Notre Dame stadium has FieldTurf anyway. Les isn't interested.
Good Day: Tatyana (Inaudible), Homecoming Queen
Michigan had a bye week, which means Jim Harbaugh took a break from berating officials to do some weird stuff on the recruiting trail. Like announcing the homecoming queen at Antioch High School in California.
Congrats, Tatyana! That's certainly a weird memory to have for the rest of your life.
Bad Day: Urban Meyer, Ohio State head coach
Coach Meyer was doing some football coaching when he got smacked in the face and then penalized for being in the way.
That's some Kevin Malone shit, Urb.
Good Day: These two Wisconsin bros
The goal here was obviously to get on TV, and they succeeded. If kid was on the left was truly devastated, his arms would be more relaxed, more listless, like his partner's. Unless, of course, all that muscle is getting in the way. Solid arms, kid.
Bad Day: This Tennessee kid
You know when you're hanging out with a group of pals, joking around, having some fun, then out of nowhere one of those friends crosses the line with a deeply personal burn for no reason? That's what happened to this Tennessee kid. Like, dude, I wasn't even saying anything.
Good Day: Zach Cunningham, Vanderbilt LB
This dude's 19 tackles against Georgia were worthy of Walter Camp Player of the Week recognition. Watch him come leaping out of nowhere like it's NFL Blitz:
One of the best linebackers in the SEC attends Vanderbilt.
Bad Day: Mike the Tiger, LSU mascot
LSU's mascot Mike the Tiger had a pretty bad week. First, he died.
Then, as if being euthanized wasn't bad enough, some heathens from America's toilet decided to stomp on his grave!
This move makes TO posing on the Cowboys' star look like a gesture of goodwill.
Bad Day: Rich Rodriguez, Arizona head coach
If you've ever doubted the existence of God, witness Rich Rod being possessed by the Holy Ghost and see if that influences your opinion.
Bad Day: Nick Schrage, Army punter
The first down marker was about 60 yards away from where Schrage was standing during this play. Why he decided to run towards that marker instead of kicking the ball is beyond me.
Good Day: Whistlers
When was the last time you whistled? These days it's all about the texting and the snapping and the DMs. Whistling has lost its place in our culture. Thousands of Notre Dame fans did their best to right the ship this weekend.
Bad Day: Darrell Hazell, Purdue coach
He got fired. I guess 9-33 doesn't cut it at Purdue these days.
To be fair, "If you ever give up 49 points to Iowa, you have 24 hours to get your shit and leave" was actually written into his contract.
Best Day: Syracuse!
Coach Dino Babers has these boys hyped enough they just might tear down that middle row of lockers so there's enough space for everybody in the locker room.
7) Donnel Pumphrey, San Diego State RB
Every other week we put Pumphrey in here to bring attention to the fact that probably just broke another record.
Here is a list of players Pumphrey passed on the FBS career rushing list yesterday: Archie Griffin, Herschel Walker, LaDainian Tomlinson. All College Football Hall of Famers. Pumphrey is eighth on that list now!
Though he doesn't have the same national exposure of everyone else on this list, that means he can't flop on a big stage. Have you ever seen Donnel Pumphrey have a bad game? Me neither.
6) Jabrill Peppers, Michigan LB/S/KR/maybe RB
Michigan was off this week, but they have what suddenly appears to be an easy three-game stretch coming up. Peppers is certain to pull down a few picks and house a punt return or two.
5) Greg Ward Jr., Houston QB
Ward made up for his worst passing performance of the year with his best rushing one. While he didn't score a touchdown against Tulsa, it's safe to say Houston would have lost if not for GWJ (I call him GWJ).
4) J.T. Barrett, Ohio State QB
Barrett followed up a stinker against Indiana with a stellar game at Madison in a come-from-behind overtime victory. Some touchdowns, some scrambles, and probably the worst pass of his life.
Judging by the "he's a great kid and a great leader" feature on College Gameday, the Heisman PR campaign for Barrett is already in full force.
3) Jake Browning, Washington QB
Washington didn't play this week.
2) Deshaun Watson, Clemson QB
Though Watson racked up 378 yards on 39 of 52 passing, a pick-six to start the second half against NC State threatened to send him tumbling down this list. But the game-winning touchdown in overtime made up for that.
As long as Dabo keeps conducting insane interviews amid a mob of Tiger fans, Watson will remain on this list.
1) Lamar Jackson, Louisiville QB
Tough to go from an instant classic under the bright national lights at Clemson to a Friday night game against Duke.
Jackson "disappointed" with just two touchdowns, but still managed his typical 144 rushing yards and just enough And1 mixtape shit to keep him atop this list.
Plays of the Week
Houston needed this insane stop at the goal line to preserve a victory over Tulsa.
You legitimately cannot get closer to scoring without actually scoring.
Moroni Laulu-Pututau of BYU did a cool catch.
Colorado running back Phillip Lindsay redefined grit and toughness and lunch pail with this run.
This pick by Ohio State's Gareon Conley was overturned for no discernible reason. Still an awesome play.
"Incomplete pass." I'll say so, buddy.
Boise State has a dog retrieve the kicking tee at home games. The pooch got some air time last night.
Header image: USA TODAY Sports