At This Rate Manny Machado Will Soon Be Stuffing $100 Bills Into The Mouths Of His Opponents

Patrick Smith / Getty Images and WWE

Patrick Smith / Getty Images and WWE

Dodgers’ shortstop Manny Machado is the best player on the team he’s attempting to lead to a World Series championship. He’ll also be a free agent the moment the series ends, with the potential to sign the largest contract in American sports history. These are conditions under which someone should aim to be on their absolute best behavior.

And yet! Machado’s postseason conduct has been far from gentlemanly. With the world watching, he remains a proud, defiant jerk.

The latest (and maybe most egregious) exhibit: A swift kick to the ankle of Brewers’ first baseman Jesús Aguilar.

“If that’s dirty, that’s dirty, I don’t know, call it what you want,” Machado said later, pretending the whole thing was an accident. He was fined $10,000 because it very clearly was not.

This kind of stuff is nothing new for Machado. He’s been known to call timeout at the last possible moment and then throw a tantrum when it’s not granted. It seems like half his slides into second base result in either challenges or serious injuries. He once threw his helmet at a guy for tagging him out.

The next day, Machado pretended to lose control of his bat, launching it down the third base line and missing his intended target by 60 feet. By the time he started his chest-high swing, the ball was already in the catcher’s glove. Whoops!

Keep in mind this is Manny when he’s auditioning for potential future employers. Imagine how he’ll act with long-term job security and more money than all his peers.

Because the reality is, despite years of skulduggery, Manny Machado will become a very rich man this offseason. He’s likely to sign a 10-year, $400 million contract, or take $40 million per year for four years and then sign a long-term deal at an ever higher yearly salary — when he’ll be just 30 years old. Whatever the case, as soon as the ink dries, Machado should drop all pretense and fully embrace his status as a detestable heel and newly minted rich guy. Million Dollar Manny DiBiase.

He clearly relishes hate from opposing fans and players. Look at how he handled the Milwaukee crowd after the Aguilar kick. He encouraged boos after a strikeout, then grabbed his crotch after a rare hustling bunt for a base hit. It all syncs up beautifully with the Million Dollar Man theme music. Manny can simply continue doing what he does, just add some greenbacks to the equation and we’ll really be cooking with gas.

I can see it now: Manny hits a go-ahead bomb, saunters around the bases, then flings a few spare bills at the catcher as he crosses the plate. Even better, every time he takes out an infielder sliding into second base, Manny shoves a $100 bill down the poor guy’s throat before stepping over him and muttering something like, “Maybe that’ll help with your little knee surgery.” He’ll make a terrific Yankee. |ES|