After Their First Win Of The Season, The Lakers Should Probably Burn Their Jerseys

 Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Christian Petersen/Getty Images

After an 0-3 start and jokes about/threats of un-retirement from Kobe Bryant if the Lakers reached five straight losses, LeBron and his merry band of misfits demolished the pitiful Suns for their first win of the season. The game was never really in doubt — the Lakers spent most of the second half ahead by 20+ points, allowing Lance Stephenson and JaVale McGee to completely dominate, as they are known to do. LeBron had 17 points, seven assists, and seven rebounds in a first half he punctuated with a sequence straight out of an All-Star Game.

Here, James flicks the ball behind his back and away from the greedy Trevor Ariza, marches through a timid Devin Booker, passes to himself off the backboard, finishes to give the Lakers a 22-point lead, then steals the inbound pass and nearly drains 32-footer at the buzzer. He was drafted the same year as his coach.

Pretty cool! Good job by LeBron with the athleticism and what have you. If only the sight of his jersey hadn’t permanently stained my eyes.

The Lakers debuted their new road “statement” uniforms last night, which are purple with nearly illegible front lettering and an inexplicable thick black stripe down either side of the jersey and shorts. They are, in nearly every way, an abomination. Not since the Allan Houston-era Knicks has there been such an unnecessary side panel color block. In the history of the Lakers franchise, from Minneapolis to Hollywood, black has never been part of the color scheme. It is a blight on the franchise I have loved for nearly four months.

So misguided was this decision that it deserves the same resolution as the Great Synthetic Ball Debacle of 2006, when the league introduced a new basketball only to abandon it three months into the season because it was universally hated by everyone who touched it. Purple Lakers jerseys with wide black side panels are likely to be equally reviled, so it is my recommendation that the team discard these jerseys in an environmentally friendly way (“lighting them on fire” is probably not an acceptable solution, but I’m no expert) and pretend they never happened. |ES|