Music Video Breakdowns: Adele - 'Hello'
Perhaps you heard the proprietors of this fine website present their flawless personal diva power rankings not too long ago. Chief among the controversial omissions sits Adele, who is barely mentioned despite her last album being certified diamond—a distinction we're pretty sure they invented specifically for her.
Indeed, the Queen of England exploded Mom and Daughter Internet last month with the release of her first album single since 2011. Three hundred million views later, the dust is settled and it's time we talk about what's really going on in this video.
Like most love song music videos, the opening moments are reminiscent of the cannibal scene in The Road. The key is to hit the film with some heavy sepia, then leave it in the sun for like six months.
It appears Adele found the cell phone I accidentally dropped (and flushed) down my dorm room toilet in 2006. But that's not why she can't get any reception—she forgot to pull up the antenna. Everyone knows you pull the plastic antenna thing out if you want the best possible signal. Rookie mistake.
Such a diva stance here. "Ugh, I kahn't believe I'm standing in this dusty old shack wearing all these layers. The dust...it will be all over my layers!"
Damn girl what up? Sepia effect really paying dividends here.
By this point we've gathered our heroine is snooping around the home of her former lover. Based on the technology scattered around the house, my guess is they dated sometime between 1872 and 1926. Place looks like one big Boardwalk Empire prop closet.
Okay, Adele, honey...this is the guy you broke it off with? Mr. Megawatt Smile? You crazy?
(Side note: Don't stare at this image too long. The smile gets decidedly less megawatt the longer you look at it.)
Wait, and he cooks dinner with the casual after-work loosened necktie look going on? This one's on you, A. Sorry he embraces a simple lifestyle where traditional gender roles are ignored in the name of romance and equality.
Totally useful telephone booth in the middle of a forest next to a house that I'm not even sure has access to electricity.
The true purpose of Adele's return to this decrepit farmhouse is revealed: she swiped all the old area rugs and curtains and had them made into a one-of-a-kind coat sure to wow bystanders on the big city streets of London.
"What am I going to do now?" Oh, I don't know dude...maybe BECOME A PROFESSIONAL MODEL?! You've got your whole life ahead of you, man. You don't need this wannabe city slicker.
Side note I feel like those curtains are going to catch on fire at any moment. Might want to tidy up a bit.
Whoa they used some footage of me doing karaoke for this video that's wild.
Tough to pull off the Disheveled Dumped Guy look but this man is a master among us. Different fabrics, layer thicknesses, buttons and zippers. Also rain. It needs to be pouring rain while you refuse to use your hood.
This is what we all came to see: an extended cut of Adele barely grazing her face with her fingertips to avoid messing up her nails or makeup. It's what sets her apart from regular people like you and me.
Okay so maybe don't call his flip phone from your farmhouse rotary phone in 2015? Maybe figure out a more reliable way to connect?
Honestly Adele, this whole situation was poorly coordinated by you. This little trip resulted not only in excess dust and wasted effort on your end, but a second broken heart for someone who appears to have done nothing but give you his all. You deserve no reconciliation in this matter, and we can only hope this man with such an impressive sweater collection finds true love down the road. |ES|